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2006-08-25 - 9:15 a.m.

I am currently debating if I should be insulted or relieved. My Darling�s sister-in-law is pregnant as thus will be having a baby shower. After they announced the pregnancy she sent out a �save the date� e-mail to all and asked my Darling to forward to me (she did not at the time have my e-mail address a situation that has been rectified). My Darling and I discussed the gift purchase and he decided that since she was his SIL he would pay for the gift and we would sign both names to the card. That being decided I waited for the invitation. The date is less than a month away and I haven�t received an invitation. I mentioned this to my Darling who when visiting his sister brought up the late invitations only to find that the invites have been out for some time. I didn�t receive one. There are several reasons this may have occurred.

1. The invite is lost in the mail (it happens).

2. It is an oversight and my name accidentally got skipped when the invites were addressed.

3. She assumed I would be working on that day and unable to attend (custom demands an invitation regardless of an ability to attend. I received and invite to a baby shower in Sacramento even though all knew I wouldn�t attend.)

4. There is limiting seating and so she is only inviting family and her nearest and dearest friends (I am not family after all but simply the woman living with her brother in law).

5. She decided it wasn�t fair to ask me to buy her a gift since I don�t know her that well (you would think that possibility would lead to an invite with a personal note instructing no gift to be purchased).

6. She is angry at me or otherwise put off so as not to want me at her baby shower.

I am not sure what I should do about this. I could let her know about the �missing� invite but if it was intentional while I think she wouldn�t tell me that and most likely invite me despite her original intentions I don�t want to be there if I am not wanted. To be frank I wasn�t exactly looking forward to it but she is family (not really), I have socialized with her before and from my understanding I am to socialize with her and my Darling�s brother in the future (plans are currently in the works for a Sushi outing). I would have gone and been polite, perhaps even had a good time what with the rest of the ladies from my Darlings family there. Instead I will wonder why she chose to snub me.

I am not concerned about being liked. I am happy enough with the person I am (becoming) and I am always working on improving myself (not to be liked but simply to live well). I should not be upset about this. Still as I work on cementing my relationship with the ultimate tie that binds it is disturbing to think about the landscape I am entering. I grew up with cousins who learned to feel superior over me from their parents who felt quite superior over my parents. We were dirt. I don�t want a child of mine experiencing that kind of insult. Like it or not you don�t just join with another person you join their family and even though I am not married to the family most of My Darlings family treat me as though I am at least a serious contender for family status (if not outright treating me as SIL).

So there you have it. Insult or no? Speak up or shut up? For the record my Darling�s vote is to shut up, get out of the gift purchase, and if she asks why I didn�t speak up claim a desire not to make her feel bad about her decision not to invite me or shame her into inviting me.

What do you think?

I wish you Peace

~alison~


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