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2006-07-30 - 8:42 a.m.

There was a time in my life before when I was running about like this. When I went back to school to get my Chemistry degree (late 80�s) I worked 40 hours a week, went to school full time (13 hours) and performed in a play all during one semester. I was obviously manic (I was formally diagnosed a few years later although I neglected to buy in at the time). Here is where the dilemma inserts itself. A very logical and rational sounding (and obviously crazy) voice inside says �you could go off your medication�. After all, it�s very expensive and you have no medical insurance. The cost of the drug is most of the reason you are working both jobs so perhaps you could only work the one if you aren�t saddled by that expense. If you did want to continue to work both jobs the mania that would ensue after you have weaned off the drug would allow this since your sleeping pattern would diminish down to approximately 3 hours a night and you will not feel tired (except during the OTHER time). Yes I could go off the medication, I survived for many years without meds (a good friend of mine is BP and she doesn�t use any meds preferring to �tough it out�). Trouble is I don�t know if I (or my Darling) could survive the OTHER time. Although I never missed a day of work due to depression I missed a lot of nights opting to begin drinking the moment I got home from work until I passed out a few hours later. I would wake the next day feeling refreshed (never a hangover during that time, part of the ease of drinking I experienced) and head miserably off to work only to begin again when I got home. I wasn�t selective either. I used alcohol to ramp down the mania as well (my life didn�t allow such racing around as I was married to a slug). Since I obviously (I�m using that word a lot aren�t I?) can�t go back to that lifestyle I am faced with either making this work meds and all or hoping against hope a better job comes along that pays enough to all me to work the one job. A direct hire complete with insurance would be nice. *Sigh* I can hope.

It is Sunday which means it will be insane. Yesterday a customer made a ridiculous complaint (took the time to fill out the (complaint) feedback form. I remember the table and it didn�t go the way he claimed, which is what I told the manager who approached me about it. The good news is she believed me. I, evidently, have a reputation for being conscientious and for taking personal responsibility for my mistakes which means if I say it�s not so I am believed. It�s not an easy reputation to obtain but with it comes some perks. I don�t think he was correct in his claims but I wish I could have done something to make him happy (other than give them an extra helping of Banana bread because he felt I took to long bringing it to the table (it was ahead of the food but I think he wanted it immediately after ordering (I told the manager this and that I corrected the problem by giving them extra bread). You do what you can. Sunday brings out the beast in folks. After spending an hour or so in their church of choice they head out for breakfast armed with the superiority that comes from knowing you are a good person and deserve better than you are getting. (not all church folk are like this but honestly, Sunday is full of them). I will make money based on volume alone.

Oh, my look at the time, gotta run.

I wish you Peace

~alison~


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