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2006-05-15 - 9:13 a.m.

As you all know yesterday was Mother�s Day. I had to work at the restaurant where, strangely, there were customers who were upset because they had to wait for a table, on a Sunday, Mother�s Day. I ran my tail off when I wasn�t running other people�s food because larger parties required one of my three tables be used to accommodate them and the parties were given to one of the other girls. This left me serving two tables most of the day and at times only one because the table closest to the smoking area is unpopular with the non-smokers (go figure � Michigan still allows smoking in restaurants). Makes working midnights in a lab look really attractive. All in all it was a fairly unpleasant day. I am sensitive as well to the fact that I am childless especially in light of my irrational jealousy of My Darling�s sister in law�s pregnancy. My clock is ticking so loudly I can�t hear anything else. I�m also displeased with my current weight which if it becomes my starting point in the process will leave me quite hefty at the end. This is why I have accepted the challenge extended by Brian and his friend to lose weight ostensibly for bathing suit season but for me it will be in prep for another activity.

I have, however, become uncomfortable with a decision I made in conjunction with the challenge. I disposed of my scale because of an unhealthy obsession with weighing myself many times a day leading to unhealthy eating patterns. While I believe I can resist the urge to weigh I allowed an internet friend to purchase a scale for me. He suggested it, in fact insisted on it as a way of saying �Thank you� (not that I have done anything a half a dozen others haven�t done as well). In a lapse of judgment I sent off a wish list as he requested. Here�s the problem, I didn�t pick the cheapest one I chose the one I would buy if I could which is more than I feel comfortable asking someone else to pay especially someone I have never actually met. I know he will read this and want to reassure but truly I am not looking for reassurance I am simply examining the way I feel about it. Am I denying myself the ability to simply enjoy someone�s expression of affection (completely platonic)? And why do I feel uncomfortable about telling my Darling (I have told him but I was uncomfortable). If it were a woman sending me a gift I wouldn�t hesitate sharing the news but as it is a man I delayed because I didn�t know how he would take it. We have all heard tales of folks �cheating� on the www and I don�t want him to think I am in any way distracted in that way. I have male and female friends in the 2D. Some I consider quite close but they are simply friends. It is the age old problem I suppose. How can you be friends with the opposite sex and not disturb the delicate balance of your relationship?

No answers I suppose and it bothers me none the less. I will get over it I suppose (the gift is a done deal and I can not take back my impulse) but I still wonder at all the feelings a small act of kindness can generate in me.

I�m off to work now. The job hunt continues and I will share more of that soon.

Oh, today is the Anniversary of my first date with My Darling. We have been together for two years, time flies doesn�t it?


I wish you Peace

~alison~


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