It�s late and I am somewhat tired. OK I am actually exhausted, still I can�t sleep. The collection of events over the past week and a half have left me feeling as though I could use a month or two off to R&R (rest and recharge). As is the normal condition I can not take the time I would like so I must simply continue on. So far the storm at work has subsided for the moment and a potential addition to my troubles has not materialized as yet.

I remember when I was very young I tried desperately to be the kind of person that people liked and for the life of me I have never been able to be popular with my contemporaries (does no play well with others). Due to a fluke of my states education laws I was sent off to school two months prior to my fifth birthday making me the youngest member of my class for the entirety of my formal education. I always felt a step behind and envious of all the people who seemed to move so effortlessly through life.

Still I doubt an extra year at home would have helped I am quite frankly irredeemably disconnected from appropriate actions. I talk too loud and trust too easily. I expect that my honest effort will count for something. I do not wish to paint myself as helpless victim but as somewhat bumbling fool.

No matter how pretty it looks on the other side I have learned that looks are deceiving and everyone suffers their own personal pain of living (even those who think they don�t suffer, perhaps especially those.) This knowledge, however, has not improved my own personal perspective on life it has simply made me more forgiving of people in my life.

I would still like to be a person that other people like but I would settle for being a person that most people do not hate. For the folks who don�t warm to my infectious charm I must reinforce my resolve to be the best I can be and let the chips fall. I will take responsibility for my part in things and understand that some people see what they see through no action I have any control over.

I�m going to sleep now.

G�night

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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