The day is drawing to an end and it has been a long one spent justifying my existence in the form of my monthly report. I am alone in my department today as everyone else is off or traveling. This leaves me somewhat trapped at my desk which is both good and bad. At the end of days such as these I find myself exhausted without feeling as though I have done anything. I was, however, able to enjoy much of my limited music selection.

Friday in a fit of disgust I broke down and joined a gym. I do not enjoy the mechanical nature of the treadmill preferring the open rode but I find the area around my home far too hilly for my taste so I selected this gym for its amenities and the relatively flat surrounding topography. I am probably the only member who plans on entering the gym to change, leaving to run and returning to sit in the steam or hot tub before heading home. If I had real estate I would waste no time installing a hot tub; an invaluable amenity for those of us more than four decades old.

One of the only things I miss about my home town was the flatness. There are very few flat areas in Southern California. Most of the area has been carved from the mountains and valleys creating a giant rollercoaster ride from here to there. I�m not the only one who is distressed by this feature. My tiny little three cylinder metro doesn�t like the hills anymore than I do and I find myself in my very own children�s story more frequently than I like (�I think I can, I think I can�). Californians do not take kindly to slow moving vehicles either so I often incur the wrath of irritated drivers who made the mistake of following me up some hill. What I need is a new car but alas, my debts continue to suck up any spare cent I might otherwise put towards purchasing a grown up car.

I am experiencing some depression and a little disorientation at times. I am not sure what this means for me. It could simply be a result of the repeated anesthetic that I have received over the course of the year. I have undergone four surgeries in 9 months and from what I understand the side affects of general anesthetic are cumulative. I am not certain how long I can expect to feel this disconnect. It distresses me not to feel sharp. It leaves me second guessing myself a lot and reaching for information I know is in my brain and coming up empty. Of course it could just be growing older but if I am this bad already what do I have to look forward to?

I have to sit down soon and write the Thanksgiving trip before I forget things.

Congratulations to every one of my friends who participated in NaNoWriMo whether you �won� or not, you gain the world in trying.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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