It�s lunchtime and as usual I am at my desk having just consumed a container of cottage cheese and sipping a Diet Pepsi wondering what I can do to fill the 45 minutes left in my lunch hour. I frequently spend this time writing entries for my diary and reading the entries of my friends (and the folks whose diaries I secretly indulge in never letting on I am there). Today is no different I suppose. From time to time I try writing some fiction or poetry but the reality I can�t usually get in the mood for flights of fancy here at work even during my lunch break. I don�t like to leave for lunch because unlike others who seem to like �the break� I just feel like I am missing so much if I have to return to work after enjoying the beauty of the day, no, better to sit in the bowels of the plant and forget the outside world then to know so very consciously what I am missing.

I have received two calls from my Darling who is working his way through his first day at the new job. He will be on dayshift until he is trained and then he will move to the afternoon shift. I wonder if he is interacting well. I am really shy myself but to cover it I have developed an outgoing personality. I am loud and brash and I say things that make others howl with laughter all designed to hide the fact that I am so incredibly afraid of them, all of them. I have learned not to require friends to survive and thus I have many who would call themselves my friend even though in truth I would identify only a handful. I know my Darling has the same vantage, it is in fact one of our common points. He is always amazed, however, at how I just talk to anyone without sizing things up carefully. The difference between us is I don�t worry if others will like me. I know most of the time they won�t so there is no reason not to say and do what I like. I remove their power to hurt me by assuming they do not care for me and thus I have nothing to lose.

Work, of course is a different beast. One can not afford to screw up at work so I am more careful about what I say or do within the context of my job. There are certain actions that fall under the category of �peeing where you eat�. I have developed my rules of the workplace after many a mis-step.

Rule 1

Never date anyone at your work-place. If it goes wrong you must rely on someone who might be very mad at you to be circumspect about the details of your personal life with the people you must work with.

Rule 2

Don�t worry about what other people do or �get away with� it has nothing to do with you. No amount of informing on others will save you if you do something wrong and no one will stick their neck out for a nark.

Rule 3

Every one is trying to do their job to the best of their ability and �CYA� at the same time. Their treatment of you is most probably because of some insecurity on their part, don�t take it personally. They are co-worker not friends (no matter how friendly they appear).

Rule 4

You can always get another job. If it makes you crazy then you should look for something else. We spend a huge chunk of our lives at work or getting to and from work so it�s important that you don�t hate it. You don�t have to love your job but you shouldn�t hate it, it�s unhealthy.

Rule 5

You are replaceable. I don�t care who you are you can be replaced, don�t believe you are somehow integral to the system; it will go on without you (as will the world in general).

Rule 6

Don�t say anything behind someone�s back that you aren�t willing to own up to. Remember, the folks around you will know that you speak poorly of people behind their backs and so they will wonder what you say behind theirs and in turn will believe any bad statement about them attributed to you.

Rule 7

It�s just a job. Leave work at work as much as you can physically and more importantly emotionally. Your personal life should live independent of the way you choose finance it.

And lastly

Rule 8

Never get drunk at the Labor Day Picnic/Christmas Party/Sales Luncheon. Save the slurring stumbling you for personal friends and family. You can never take back the act of French kissing the vice-president or spilling your drink on his wife. Sober is the way to go in more ways then one. After all, you will be able to tell stories at the water cooler about the folks not smart enough to follow rule number 8. Just remember, you may have to own up as the teller of tales so I recommend simply following my golden rule of work.

Don�t do unto others, keep a low profile and stay out of the way.

Time to get back to work, Have a great day!

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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