I am disappointed. it will be ok, I will get over it and when the place fills up I will probably not even notice the tiny (huge) flaws that tarnish the perfection of my new home. It�s not as if I have ever lived in a �new� place or experienced anything beyond lower middle class accommodations but I guess I had hoped for better. The manager behaved as though I was expecting too much �well of course the cupboards don�t close this apartment is 30 years old and has been painted dozens of times.�

Sometimes I dream of financial security sufficient to buy myself a new house, a house that no one else has lived in. I have lived in second-hand housing my whole life and the older I get the less accommodating my living arrangements have become. Isn�t it supposed to be the other way around?

To be fair the place really isn�t that bad. The appliances are new (except the stove which is in good condition) and the rugs and linoleum are in excellent condition. The two bathrooms look good for the most part and the minimal (and obscured) pre-existing damage has been noted prior to our move in so it won�t count against us.

�It�s just those cupboards.

Truly there is really only one thing that drives me absolutely insane (OK there are lots of things but this one is pertinent to my situation) and that is cupboards that don�t close. In every apartment I have every lived in and home I have ever owned my first task was always to fix the cupboards so they closed properly. I have replaced hinges in every place I have ever lived most of the time at my own expense (and it was well worth the cost for my sanity alone). I expect this place will be no different.

Tell me, can they with hold my security deposit for fixing things?

By Saturday night we expect to be completely moved. Today, after my doctor appointment (isn�t he going to be pleased with my tendonitis *sigh*) I will drive my RV over to the complex, empty my stuff, and deliver it to my friends property for storage and for her vacation usage. She uses the RV for free and I get it road tested and free storage until it sells or she gets sick of it on her property (whichever comes first).

My workload is light this week so I have had plenty of time to contemplate my situation (a dangerous condition for me). Contemplation is good in small doses or in the correct direction but in my case it is bad, very bad. On the up side I expect with the addition of �my space� I will be more likely to write. I try and write here daily and from time to time as inspiration hits I churn out the random poem or short story but I really want to write more. I realize that simply having a place to write won�t necessary translate into actual writing after all real writers can write anywhere. True artist of all genre find a way to express their art despite living conditions. But knowing myself and my personal needs I understand that I have to have a quiet, undistracted location to focus my thoughts. I can not write in front of the tube or in an uncomfortable position. I think I have something to say and I enjoy the act of writing so whether or not I have any gift I treat the exercise the same as I would taking a drawing class. I don�t wish to be an artist I just want to draw. I draw with words, frankly I revel in words. I covet dictionaries (especially old dictionaries) for the window to the past they provide. I don�t much care for the simplification of the English language that the American culture has undertaken. I don�t want to �get jiggy with it�.

Main Entry: jiggy1
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: excited or involved; also, to get involved with sexually
Example: Jennifer Lopez has gotten jiggy with a few men.
Usage: slang; jiggier, jiggiest

Webster's New Millennium Dictionary of English, Preview Edition

I enjoy the search for the perfect word or phrase to describe my experience, my emotions. I expect that the words I choose will create a visceral response in the reader. Like the authors I most admire I want my writing to carry the reader along. I�m most pleased when a book runs away with me and I can not bring myself to stop even to breath. If I could create such an experience I would consider my life redeemed.

I have wasted so much of my life on pragmatic pursuit of grandiose dreams. Trouble is, to fulfill such dreams one must be willing to leap and chance the tumble. You soar or plummet but at the very least you can always say you did your best. I have never done my best. I have always let pragmatism born of scientific reasoning anchor me, hindering my rise to heights I might have reached had I just taken the leap.

I have to go now, I have dreams to pursue, novels to write, cupboards to repair.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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