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2005-05-01 - 10:25 a.m.

Having completed my last (hopefully) surgery, reported my flood to the insurance company and spent � of my weekend working (I�m salaried so no OT for me) I have finally had a little time to take a look at my repaired wrist. I feel a little queasy about it at times, it looks alien and misshapen and I am not sure how much of the disfigurement of the surgeries (scars and odd shape) will remain when the wrist is fully healed and physical therapy has returned the range of motion and strength that I am now capable of post injury and repair. The doctor has warned me there will be a loss of function from prior injury. I am disappointed in myself for overestimated my abilities and causing the injury in the first place. The combination of braving the unknown and being overcome by fear lead to the loss of control and fall which has forever changes the form and function of my right wrist and subsequently my hand above it.

My fingers don�t work properly and I can not make a fist which for a Martial Artist is a huge loss indeed. I must be careful not to over react though. After all I am still in the beginning stages of my recuperation. My friend (trained in cortical field reorganization) assures me that it can take up to a year for the carpel tunnel swelling to abate and full healing of the soft tissues. Impatient fool that I am I want, of course, to be healed NOW! It doesn�t help that it still hurts and use only intensifies the hurt. I don�t want to lose any more function though and so I work through the pain. Trouble is I don�t know how much is too much and so I am afraid I could injure myself.

I had an unpleasant work experience Friday. I was scheduled to have my PT evaluation Friday afternoon at two o�clock. My boss shows up in my cubicle at 1:30 and tells me everyone is pissed cause I haven�t done the job in my recent assignment (mind you I have never been trained in the test that were not performed and I told them that, I have been covering the entire department myself for two days and I had a very important presentation worth possibly a couple hundred thousand dollars to the company.) I am expected to be �proactive� in a job I have never done before and received no real training on. Oh, I forgot, several meetings were held (by higher ups) deciding what should be done and not only was I not invited to the meetings but I was not informed of the outcome. Let's not forget that I worked all day on Saturday with less than a days notice.

So, needless to say, I am in trouble. I am told I can not go to my appointment I must stay and fix things. I couldn�t even get to a phone and call to cancel because I kept getting stopped on my way to my office and redirected to another task. It is on one of the redirects that I evidently, according to my boss, �rolled my eyes� and the �deity� of our company (a PhD). I was also instructed by my boss to �turn down the attitude and chill�. I was not happy about the entire afternoon�s silliness. The instrumentation required to perform the missing tests was not even easily located and my boss kept saying �we discussed this test; I told you put the sample in the tube, put the tube in the machine and press the button.� Where is the machine? No one knows. The tube? Same. And so I failed to perform a test I was never trained on, using and instrument and glassware whose whereabouts are unknown and he aghast that I am �taking and attitude�.

I must wait until mid next week to attend my rescheduled PT evaluation and my boss wants to know how long before I can return to full work (sooner rather than later if you do your job and allow me to attend my appointments.)

How much you wanna bet this comes up as the reason I�m not getting my promotion and minimal raise?

Life goes on. I must admit the combination of the housing crunch and my job situation is fueling the desire to move to another state where I have the potential of possible home ownership. I might as well start all over if I am going to receive no training or appreciation for what I have done.

I wonder how Texas is right now?

I wish you Peace

~alison~


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