I am free of the chains that bind (well of the chain of my ex at least). Yesterday I met him to cash the last income tax return check and with that all of the terms of the settlement have been fulfilled. I am now official DONE! I was surprised at the emotion the act elicited. Based on the experiences of friends I expected a little sadness, regret or maybe even a little emotional let down. Instead I was filled with a sense of relief and happiness so strong I had trouble stifling a giggle at the bank. He was courteous and attempted to sympathize about my broken wrist but I kept things polite but formal. We will not �stay friends� and if I ever see him again it will be too soon. It is not so much that I am angry anymore but now that I know him for what he is I would not associate with him even if I hadn�t been married to him. I avoid humans like him normally.

As I walked out of the bank the reality of the finality of the event washed over me and I was happier than I have been in a very long time. I have been happy on and off since the separation and the final decree was good but yesterday was the blissful end and I am off that particular roller coaster forever. Oh, a bit of humor, he asked what I planned to do with the RV. I told him I was probably going to sell it. When he asked how much I wanted for it I nearly laughed in his face. I think he might have been contemplating asking to buy it as if I would consider having anymore dealings with him for any price.

According to my Orthopedic I need a CAT scan to determine why I am having difficulty with regaining my supination (the ability to turn my palm upward). I have never had a CAT scan and I am looking forward to it. I am hoping they will allow me to see it when I am done. Such technology fascinates me. I have never had an MRI either although I did operate an NMR (the same technology) when I was in college.

Speaking of college I am considering taking the second part of the physics class I took two years ago. I had such fun with it (even Bozo couldn�t take that away). Just think how much easier it will be now that I�m sober. I hate the idea of giving up my nights though. The trouble with going to school part time and working full time is that you basically have no time. Physics requires not only time for the class (and lab) but at least 5-6 hours of homework as well. That�s upwards of 12 hours a week which discounting mealtime is four nights a week. The reason I don�t do theatre anymore is because I don�t want to give up four to five nights a week. It seems that no matter what I want to do I must forfeit a large chunk of my personal time and thus far I am just not willing to do that.

Today I will attempt the DMV. I am hoping to get my ID request filed and then as soon as it comes in get my new license. I could potentially have all my ID and cards changed to my maiden name before May. I would like to be officially me in time to celebrate one year with my Beau. It�s hard to believe that he and I have been together that long. In some ways we are quite comfortable and in others still unknown. He still waits for me to lead and I must admit I set things up that way in the beginning because I had no intentions for long term so close on the heels of my separation. Now the reality is that I feel like I could have a long term relationship with him and I suspect he has come to that conclusion but is waiting for me to say it out loud (much the same as the �I love you�). It helps to be through with the other too.

No more contact with Bozo, new name, new man, new life, am I lucky or what?

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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