I have been wondering about something. Some of the best humans I know have faith. Those individuals that I most respect and admire believe in God and a plan albeit one they don�t understand, but always there, so that no matter what happens they believe there is a reason. I watch their suffering and I know there is nothing I can say to make them feel better so I either say nothing and just listen or I share how I find Peace in the insanity. I have no faith. That is not to say I don�t believe in a creative force the laws of thermodynamics seems to bear up the supposition that there must be an acting force at some point. But the idea that there is an underlying plan does not appeal to me on many levels.

The underlying plan theory places me in the unenviable position of giving up any idea of personal control (free will) to the idea that all my actions are predetermined by some driving force in the universe (God, the father, if you will) leaving me feeling a bit useless. This theory places me in the same category as the playing pieces in some giant chess game to be moved about in whatever way suit this imagined creator. I feel superfluous.

That there could be a reason for what appears to be random (and horrible) would not give me peace but instead I would feel anger and betrayal. Why place us here to torture us for your own amusement? I find more solace in the idea that we are left alone to make choices both good and bad, to learn and cultivate the good that humans can be. Random situations face us and we are powerless over anything but our own response. At best I am an agnostic at worst an atheist yet I surround myself with people of faith, odd huh?

Religion has no place in my world. While I feel the need to continue to work on being a better human I can�t tolerate the social situation wrapped in faith. Frankly church is tedious for me and �church people� piss me off because so many of them are self righteous, ignorant fools who know less about their religion than I do and mostly use it to judge others rather than an instruction manual for their own lives.

�I carry my Bible the better to beat you with�.

My compassion for humans is infinite but people piss me off (or at the very least disappoint me). I guess that is why I eschew most gatherings be they social, religious or otherwise. I can forgive and love mankind at a distance but face to face I have trouble disconnecting my own emotional response, my human side if you will, and the feelings are sometimes overwhelming.

Back to my original thought, how does one who has no faith become so fond of people who do without gaining faith of their own?

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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