I�m cranky. My wrist still aches (more so with the incessant rain), I have not been able to run or bike and subsequently I can not sleep. It�s a downward spiral to depression and misery. I know I�m going down because I know the signs, inability to sleep, crying jags for no particular reason, overall feeling of ickyness�still I know that if I can catch it in time I don�t need to hit the bottom to bounce back up.

I go the orthopedic today. I will hear what he thinks of my improvement thus far and gain an indication of how far I have left to go and how close to 100% I can expect to regain.

Now that I am driving again I am attempting to set up a meet with my ex to cash the state tax refund check and finally slam close the door to my past. I will probably have to move and change my number because my ex�s girlfriend can�t get it through her head that it isn�t appropriate for her to call me (an action that always seems to be prompted by excessive alcohol intake). The last call (last week sometime) came because of their concern for my cats. The man who couldn�t afford to feed himself and thus needed to petition for support is now volunteering (through his girlfriend and I�m assuming using her money since he has none of his own) to assist in paying for veterinary services. All this is, of course, temporary. I will meet and cash the check and then sell or move my RV turning off my phone in the process. They have no other numbers for me and so the last string will be clipped and they will be forced to hate me from a distance.

I don�t appear to be able to make the co-habitation official at this time. First of all because I haven�t found a home for my three lovely cats and second the situation we are looking for (a house) is outside of our reach right now. If I can find homes for my p�dders then I can place my RV in storage until I can finish the repairs and sell it. Splitting bills at my Sweethearts would allow us both to save money placing us in a better situation six months from now. I want to live a better life. I would like to be able to consider a family which at the moment seems a bad idea considering the limitations I am currently under. I took on the entire financial burden of the debts from my ill-conceived irresponsible marital state and that may permanently deprive me of home and family. For now I am trying to step by step work my way out of the hole.

My oh my but the edge of this hole looks so very far away.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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