I had a terrible weekend and I am going to whine about it once here and then let it go. I am going through a divorce and I am living in the RV my ex and I lived in. I boutght it while we were together but before we were married so it is mine by the laws here in Ca. I can not dispose of it however until the divorce is final which is looking to be at least a year or more from my original filing in February. My ex is acting strangely (visiting a friend at their work)and the house is creeping me out. The BF and I stayed there on Friday night because I am feeling guilty about my inattention to my kitties. Before you all set peta on my butt I go there everyday and feed,water, clean litters boxes and give attention but they are needy little things and I felt guilty about not being there at night. Unfortunately I spent the entire night fighting with my ex in my dreams and woke up exhausted and feeling like I had a horrific hangover.

Saturday started out bad and only got worse. By 2 I was feeling sick and so tired that I laid down to take a nap. I got up at 5 to go to the store with the BF and went right back to bed when we got home. He woke me to eat an hour later and then back to bed to sleep for 12 hours. Oh my.

Sunday he insisted I take it easy so it was a horrible lazy do nothing weekend and I hate those. I spent the last two years of my marriage having those kind of weekends. I would rather push myself than waste time. Wasting time is an absolute sin in my book for it is an irreplacable commodity and no one knows the extent of their allotment.

I am depresed and angry and I can't stand the world right now but as always I will get over it. Nothing lasts forever and the only constant in the universe is change.

Everything is perfect even in it's flaws. The flower is perfect by nature whether spotted or not because it was created that way. There is no reason to condemn a person for the best they can do it's the same as wanting to punish the flower for it's spots. The miracle of life is no less so in chaos. There is no will there just is. Always and forever it will be and I don't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. My smallness means that I don't have to do anything to live the miracle it happens with or without my input.

I wish you Peace

~alison~

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